O.Chat > The First Marriage
Thanks Hyde Parker. I found this article very informative and inspiring. I appreciate the Obamas being so candid and "Keeping it Real".
The little clips they had of them actually answering the questions were great.
I guess the saying really is true. What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. Their marriage is proof of that.
Nyon
Thanks for posting this, Hyde Parker. My husband and I have talked frequently about how awful it would be to have people feel that they can comment on our marriage. Blech!
This was a really eye-opening read. I love the fact that Mrs. O mentioned that it's unfair to hold up an ideal of a perfect marriage because that would only mislead people going into it. That sense of responsibility - not just to herself, her family, etc. - but to everyone is so inspiring.
I did notice that the author was careful to point out that the Obamas didn't have much to model a marriage on - almost negating the fact that Mrs. O's parents had a long and stable marriage in favor of pointing out her grandparents' marriage weaknesses. My parents have been married for 37 years, and my husband's parents will celebrate their 45th next year. Our grandparents' marriages were the same way. Although I know marriages - in all demographics - don't have a high success rate, there really are good ones. Mrs. O seems proud of her upbringing, and I thought it was unnecessary for the author to downplay what had to be a significant factor in how she approaches her marriage.
Overall, though, I truly enjoyed this piece!
Kristen
Yeah, I did like the piece. I noticed - as Kristen did, the tactical omission of Michelle Obama's parents' successful marriage. But that's journo's for you. Always got to get a poke in somehow.
I like the way they talk about each other and I like the way they talk about relationships in general. It rings so many bells for me. I believe that explicit emotional honesty is absolutely vital in understanding people whether we know them or not. If we are all open and expressive, there is no space for omission or reticence or fear. I think - I HOPE - they are teaching a generation of people how to relate to others. God knows we need the pointers, as a species.
They are inspirational, not just because they have a successful marriage or successful careers, but because they are straight about what it takes to have career success and what it takes to have a successful marriage.
I remember years ago a very old lady asking me what I considered marriage to be about. I said "98% dirty socks and bills, 2% roses and candlelit dinners." She said "Oh! You'll do fine!"
It's an overly harsh description I think now. But the only reason that I put up with the 98% is because what we have together and what we're building for the future, is FAR more than just bills and dirty socks. We're building something magical, and the hard bits are worth it because we both want each other to be happy. Even a quiet evening at home, reading and knitting, is magical because he's there, because he's the only person I always want to talk to, even when he's annoyed me more than anyone else EVER has, because he's the person I want to make happy, and he me.
Back to the Obama's. Mostly, I just love that they are openly admiring of each other. I am SO done with people who don't/won't display affection in public. No-one would hesitate to demonstrate love for a child in public (excepting a few especially stunted individuals), so why refrain from supporting a partner? For appearance's sake???!!!! Get over it.
What do you teach children if you teach them that showing love is embarrassing? You teach them to hide it, and to be ashamed of it.
Love the Obama's for being natural. LOVE.
Posh Tater
Enjoyable and inspiring as others have stated. Perhaps in the interest of fair play or because of the sacrifices Michelle has made while he pursued his ambitions, I like to be assured that she is being given sufficient attention from him now to make her happy.
There's been plenty of supporting evidence out there, but this article should pretty well put the issue to rest from those of us on the outside looking in. Not that it is our worry, but I have not been able to escape it. We've had many first ladies who struggled in that position, most prominent would be Bess Truman who became quite bitter about it.
I read through many of the comments at the NYT. The usual litany of support and apathy. One person hit upon what I believe to be the real reason for them subjecting themselves to this interview: to get their story of their marriage out from their perspective to counter negative stories being peddled in recent books including one on their marriage. This is a classic Obama maneuver.
And the nation reaps benefits by being given an inspiring playbook on the elements that make up a solid relationship even when the obstacles are fierce.
Sharon Nelson
Great article.
Ah Ha moment: Did everyone notice the mention of her now having a stylist on staff? Despite this "revelation" (to some) no one reading this article carefully will doubt that the stylist is a collaborator - not the final word.
I like that she recognizes her influence not only upon very young children, but also to older young people - perhaps on the verge of important decisions like marriage. She recognizes her potential for positive influence, and she works it. I'm more impressed than ever.
This has been a great reading weekend between the Mrs. O book and this article!
operafanatic
Yes, OpFan, I noticed that as well. (about the stylist)
Nyon
The stylist no doubt has influence on her, but I like that her comfort in her own skin is what shines through. The Halloween photos are great examples of her joie de vivre and sense of self. She is playful or serious when appropriate in her approach to life, and the marriage also seems to benefit from the mutual admiration that they show for one another.
It was a refreshing read, and although some pundits will label the article another attempt at PR and controlling the message, it presents a realistic look at a real marriage.
Bevi
I do not think "controlling the message" to be a bad thing. Nor does it mean that you are are not being real and honest by doing so. Getting the real message out there as forcefully as possible in as credible way as possible goes a long way at stopping smears. That's how he ran his campaign. He didn't fudge things, nor do they here.
Who cares what the pundits say. I quit listening to them eons ago.
Sharon Nelson
Just thought you all would like to know about this excellent article that will be in the Sunday New York Times Magazine, The First Marriage.